pizza reviews

pineapple pizza

it's just hard to think of a way to improve it. it's the apotheosis of every good flavor in the world.

ranking: 11/10, S+ tier

none pizza with right sausage

what is there to say about none pizzas that hasn't been said already? it's masterful. a work of art. truly, incredible. modern art. put none pizzas with directional toppings in the moma.

ranking: 10/10, absolutely perfect

pizza from the furthest ring

i was going to give this pizza an earnest rating, but the more i look at it, the more i feel as though i am a very small being in a very, very large world. i feel as though this pizza has lived aeons and aeons beyond what my own soul has. this pizza has seen the end of the universe. this is what derse dreamers communicate with in their dreams.

ranking: never been more glad i was a prospit dreamer/10

charred pizza

i feel like i know this pizza. this pizza is my friend. i loaned this pizza 20 dollars and they paypalled me back within an hour, with interest. this pizza is very good. it doesn't quite reach the level of transcendence that none pizza does, but it's still a very, very good and friendly pizza.

ranking: 9/10. i should be a better friend.

campbell's pizza soup

it's soup. it's fucking soup. why is that fucking soup listed next to pizzas. what the fuck. that being said, this soup pizza evokes a preternatural feeling of warmth and friendliness at first. but as i look closer, that warmth and friendliness is replaced with toxic masculinity as it markets itself with hard letters and sausage, the objective worst topping for a pizza.

ranking: 7/10. you can do better.

loss pizza

i have nothing to say about this pizza. it's perfectly average, with okay toppings arranged in an okay pattern to make an okay meme from an okay company. this pizza is as okay as you can get. i would not fault you for enjoying this pizza.

ranking: 5/10

hot dog + steak fries pizza

an earnest concept that is marred by lackluster execution and being kinda gross to look at. it looks more like a dessert pizza than it does a meaty steak fries pizza, and it loses points for that. sorry, hot dog and steak fries pizza, not today.

ranking: 5/10

pizzaburger hot dog

science has gone too far.

ranking: god weeps for her creations.

mushroom cloud pizza

this pizza is good if you long for the memories of nuclear war, before you had to move into the vault, but its unique shape and cooking methods are absolutely atrocious to try and consume in a normal meal.

ranking: fallout 76/10

american pizza

looking at this pizza gives me guttural reactions similar to the feeling of finding a blog run by someone who is factkin with andrew jackson. this guttural reaction makes this pizza impossible to stomach, and its patriotism is not respected.

ranking: 1/10

plasticine mold pizza

it's absolutely revolting to look at. if i had to pick a pizza that would be the most likely to support gamergate, this would be the one. this pizza probably harbors the worst opinions out of the bunch, and you should probably put this pizza on your blocklist before you put it in your mouth.

ranking: 0/10

party cut pizza

if i wanted pizza bites i'd have made pizza rolls. leave a comment on my webzone and i will mail you a pizza roll. probably more substance to a pizza roll that's been in the post transit system for a week than there is a party cut pizza.

ranking: you know what? fuck this. fuck you./10

mayonaise pizza

it's egg. it's egg. it's egg. it's fucking egg pizza jesus christ. only a hell man would put hellmann's on a pizza. absolutely atrocious and the worst thing i have ever seen.

ranking: log off.